I'had been addicted to pornography for a long time. It's started when I was in the middle school, and it's my Puberty. From that time I could get some part of physical women really give me reactions. And I can't handle that. I used to imagine and put them into Atmosphere. My brain full of the sensually of women body.
Not long after that, I heard people talked about Masturbation or doing Fap. And I was wondering what that is. I figure out by asking some of friends, and someone told me that it's like unleashing your sexual desire without any partner (doing by yourself). And the more this told quite often, the more wonder I would've been. And at the end of the day, I'm so addicted to it.
From that time on, I was always doing that. Even whenever I break the class, I would've right away been home, done that and went back to school to finish my class. It's really recurring until being my habit. Even one day, I had done that while afterwards I gotta take my exercise class. t's really crazy!
This habit kept going until I got mature. I had been grown with Awkwardness and Unenergetic person. I was being an over thinker. I'm being pessimistic. Sometimes my friend said to me that I looked like so exhausted, fatigue, tired, I was like that I don't have eager to live. And for many times I defended myself, that I'm smart, energetic, competitive and so on. Sometimes I told them I'm good at that and this. But in fact nothing more than I'm pessimistic.
I can't deny the impact of being addicted to pornography is really huge. Many researches proved that this addiction, way more dangerous even than the drug's addict. Then by knowing this align with suffering that I feel, I decided to stop. It's like going back and forth. I felt hard to sustain, I had reached out several months but at the end I relapsed. And now I've been almost 3 months in novap without relapsing, even sometimes I got triggered to get back to the same trap. That would've been at the same trap, Watching movie that contains with some scenes of Intimate relationship, then I will stumble myself upon that little bit long, and sooner after I'd go to porn-site then relapsed. But now instead of doing that, I could slightly handle by saying "Remember, Sexual Intimacy is not something you should manipulate without any partner in your life. It should've been in natural approach, cause whatsoever Allah has created desire to place on the right way".
Well in my opinion, if we want to quit masturbating habit, we have to cut off all the things that possibly you to do that, such a porn videos, sensual images, Intimate scenes on movies and etc.
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