Reset The purpose of Life

Now I promise, I swear by Allah. Wallaahi, Billaahi, Tallaahi, I would struggle and strive to learn my religion totally as well as internalize to my life. I'm done with the endless distraction which come up along with justification, make you lowered in your devotion, dedication in Obeying Allah. 

Not by chance Allah chose me to stick up with some of Islamic principles, cause in fact I always hold back when come into shaving the beard, I talk to myself, "This is sunnah, it's impossible to cut off!". Look, I still grasp some of those things, but what about committing zina? I'm still on that way. I'm unmarried person, so that I always make justification which is ok to doing this cause you don't have any partner. I had allowed myself to do dating with non-mahram, but the haq would always be haq that dating is part of Adultery, which is prohibited in Islam.

Honestly I had made plan in long time ago. I panned to do dawaah, learning Arabic, being Hifdz, teaching Quran, teaching kids about Aqeedah, go married, raise children and etc.

However, I always get distracted for some many ways. Sometimes I'm being lonely and need girl to accompany me, sharing about life, chattering, confide something to one another. I always feel alone when I separate myself with 'dating', even deep down in my heart I know that's not right for muslim.

I've once told a girl who I got closed with by saying, "Hi, I think we gotta end up this intensity, cause I don't think we're in a proper way". The girl said, "Up to you, however it really hit me so bad! But it's ok, I respect your choice". And I was like, it is the sad moment. But after several days, I broke up up that decision, and start to text her anymore. 

I was so complicated. I realized that I was suffered in loneliness for a really long time. I want to get married, and of course my age was ideal to have a wife. My desire sometimes unstoppable, I had to watch pornography and Masturbating. And I would feel bad about myself.

Now, I really want to return to Allah, being Tawakkul, seeking His guidance to live in this world life in order to get save in the here after as well. I gotta read Quran in my daily basis, reading Sirah of Prophet Muhammad may Allah peace be upon him, learn about Susannah and so on.

I gotta live in accordance to Alquran and Sunnah. How do you interact with people, how do you worship Allah, how do you treat your parent, how do you do good deed to your siblings or relative, how do you set up yourself or positioning yourself as an 'abd of Allah. I would learn from now on. I promise, insya Allah. 

And I also have to make my intention fully straight forward, not because there's someone in out there who I aim for, or something had guaranteed me in wellbeing, instead every action that you put in, all should be for the sake of Allah. 

I had reset my purpose, this all was nothing more than prioritize Allah, worship Him, obey Him, seeking out His guidance, and doing as much as possible all the things what Rasulullah had exemplified. 

Insya Allah